It’s okay to just sit there and not do anything, I think they’re daily moments of bliss to just lose track of time, and our duties. Most days, I don’t know what day of the month or week it is. Some people call it unorganised. Some people tell me I should get up and do something. But you don’t always have to be doing something. Sometimes it’s just good to day dream, re-charge, think, and relax. It’s good to just be in the present moment, and not think about what happened yesterday or plan what’s going to happen tomorrow.

 

 

In the past month, since my birthday, I’ve experienced the deepest, most contrasting emotions of my life. I experienced real friendship, love in its purest form, heart ache, helplessness, unity, gain, loss, being forgiven, forgiving, empathy, companionship, guilt, honesty, obsession, feeling trapped in my body and thoughts, eating so much, not eating at all, shock, pain, I felt like I didn’t want to be any more, fragile, ecstatic, smiling so much my face hurts, laughing so much my abs hurt, breathless because I was crying so much, heart beating so hard I feel it in every cell of my body, wanting to be a mother, loneliness, strength, weakness, feeling controlled, being turned on, off, pure freedom, loved, adored, shaken… Just everything, and I can’t even put them all into words.

Yet, nothing major in my life happened, I’m still living in the same way and talking to the same people. I just feel so much, and I’ve never been that sensitive before in my life. I feel like I’m so opened up to the world, I’m feeling everything. As much as I like it, and feel emotionally free because I’m sensing everything, I also feel vulnerable because I don’t know what’s coming. I don’t know what to expect, but I shouldn’t expect anything, because everything’s possible. And when you expect something, you are actually more vulnerable since you might not get it. It feels so comfortable to just live and feel.

 

This post is a little randomly put together and I don’t know if it makes sense or not, but feelings/thoughts don’t have to make sense…

When the closest people to me hurt me or upset me, I sometimes tell myself, “why do people have to be like that?!”. It’s because you see them as your place of comfort in the world, and that often happens with my parents, since I know that I come from them and I trust them so much and when they hurt me, it can be extra painful. I end up picturing humankind to be the same, because if they are like that, then what would strangers be like? It’s just generalising humans. You can’t forget that you are your own place of comfort – because when there’s love inside you, that’s what you’ll see in humans, and the world around you. When there’s fear inside you, that’s what you’ll see in humans and the world around you.

People who are close to you can easily manipulate your emotions because you are so psychologically opened up to them by choice. Happiness is a choice at every moment, it’s self-controlled, and because you choose to be opened up to these people, they can so easily make you feel happy.

If a stranger told you “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life”, you’re most likely not to care, because you’re not close to that person, you don’t love that person, so you’re not receiving what they say because you’re not opened up to them, there’s a mental block. Whereas, if someone close to you said that, it will obviously have an impact on the way you feel, it it reaches your heart so easily.

It’s the same concept when you see a picture of your favourite animal looking happy, it can bring a smile to your face effortlessly and make you happy because you love that animal. As easy as just looking at a picture, you automatically feel happy.

When I open up to people because I love them, I experience all realms of emotions with them, positive and negative. When I experience that with them, it inevitably makes our bond stronger, it makes me discover emotions I didn’t know I could have because I’m so opened up to them. When these people hurt me, it almost shocks me because of that contrast between the good moments, that make up the greatest moments of my life, and the not-so-good moments. It’s like when you have something and it’s taken away from you, that’s worse than when you don’t have it at all. One day, that person can make you feel like you’re not grounded on Earth any more, instead of gravity carrying you, they are. Another day, they can make you cry so much, to the point where you can’t breathe.

Whatever they make me feel, I don’t label as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I love and enjoy our good moments, and dislike feeling hurt because of them, but that’s not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. As I posted before, I don’t label my emotions like that because they all help to complement each other, and I’m grateful for what I feel and experience because it opens up my mind and heart more.

 

Super Healthy Layered Smoothie!

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I made the green part using avocado, kiwi, wheatgrass powder, honey and a little bit of water so it’s thick, and the orange part using persimmons, clementines, banana, honey, and a little more water so it’s less thick than the first layer. I stored both the different colours in two separate cups for 15 minutes in the freezer. Then I got a large cup, and carefully poured the thicker layer (green), followed by the second layer (orange). After I drank a bit of the orange colour, I added beetroot juice to see if it gets prettier with 3 colours!

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I Don’t Label My Emotions

sesameIsn’t it logical to label happiness as ‘good’ and sadness as ‘bad’? That is overly-simplified. Emotions are not black or white, there are many shades of grey in between. I appreciate my times of sadness, because how can I know the true taste of happiness if I haven’t experienced sadness? How would I know what it feels like to be secure, without experiencing vulnerability? How can I appreciate knowledge without experiencing ignorance?

As cheesy as it sounds, the day allows you to appreciate the night, the summer allows you to appreciate the winter, and the moon allows you to appreciate the sun – contrasts are made so you can appreciate. That’s why the positive and negative cells of a magnet attract, they all help to complement each other.

Therefore, I don’t like to label my emotions as good or bad, because they all complement each other and help to build up a bigger picture of a stronger version of me. They help me to further discover myself more and the more emotions I experience, the more knowledgeable I become.

 

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My thoughts change everyday, the way I think changes everyday. I’m crazy – I contradict myself, prove myself right or wrong. I absorb what people say, assess it, and see if it brings me different views. I may be stubborn, but not with the way I think. Thoughts flow in my head about anything and everything. I’m stubborn with what I want to get in life. If someone says “no, you can’t do that”, I have to find another way to do it. For example, in my mock/trial exams at school, I didn’t want to study for them (not promoting that in anyway), and as a result, I didn’t get the best grades, but I didn’t care because I knew what I was doing. My teacher told me that I need to attend booster classes (which I didn’t go to), because I got a D in a certain subject and if I didn’t, I would fail in my real exam because I’m not prepared to work and that I have a bad attitude.  But I didn’t care, because I have my ways and I knew what I was doing. In my real exam, I got an A*, because when I want something, I’ll do anything to get it. At the end of the day, I didn’t care what the teacher said or thought about me – but I liked the fact that I proved her wrong in an unexpected way.

In contrast, I feel like it’s wrong to be stubborn with the way you think – how are you meant to empathise? Forgive? Agree? Disagree? Understand? Especially with all the misunderstandings in the world, whether it’s between two people or two countries, you need to open up your mind for a different view. For example, murder is wrong, but when you put yourself in the murderer’s shoes, you are able to understand (not justify) why people do such things, it’s all about exercising the way you think.  The less we are stubborn with the way we think, the more we understand one another and the more we are filled with kindness that isn’t distorted by differences, prejudices, events, memories, etc.

loveI’ve been brought up to think that I don’t need anyone for anything. Then, I meet someone and suddenly everything’s changed. I feel like I need that person, I can’t live without that person, I’m obsessed with that person. I’ve opened up for that person in every way, knowing I have a fear of getting too close to people because they might hurt me, but yet, I trust so much in that person.

I feel confused because I’ve always been somehow not in need of anyone, but now since I feel like I do, I’m starting to think of myself as weak or empty or in need of security. But then again, I feel like that person is a part of me, inside me, my other half, my completion, my true companion, my best friend… It’s like that person has seen me in my most vulnerable state, but that’s my natural state. Inside, we are all vulnerable.

“Bountiful is your life, full and complete. Or so you think, until someone comes along and makes you realize what you have been missing all this time. Like a mirror that reflects what is absent rather than present, he shows you the void in your soul – the void you have resisted seeing. That person can be a lover, a friend, or a spiritual master. Sometimes it can be a child to look after, what matters is to find the soul that will complete yours” – The Fourty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak (novel)

I think that the best way to find someone whom you have a special connection with is through time. As long as you are patient, God will reward you and give you what is best for you.

I don’t want to say that your happiness depends on another person, because you can choose to be happy in every moment of your life and at the end of the day, you are with yourself and can provide everything for yourself, but it’s so special when you view someone to be you – like you are one person, and you’re so comfortable together to just be, and that person can be anyone, even your pet?

 

 

 

Golden Berries!

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I love how they’re wrapped in their pretty leaves!

Health benefits of golden berries:

  • They contain vitamins A, C, E, K1, B1, B2, and B3, fatty acids and phytosterols (which fights cholesterol)
  • Contains special antioxidants
  • Protects liver and kidneys
  • Helps immunity
  • Reduces inflammation
  • Fights bacteria