I feel so lonely right now like I’m the only person in the world..
Am I the only person who thinks its not weird to go up to a random person and say ‘hi, I’m going through this and that in my life’? If that was the case, the other person may think you’re weird, you’re random, or they need to get away from you because that’s just not ‘normal’. It’s okay to ask someone for the time, directions, but it’s not normal to go up to someone and say ‘hey.. Have you ever felt like this?’. It’s like a taboo subject. I get surprised whenever people tell me ‘you must really trust me to say this to me’ or ‘Lugine you don’t share things like that with people’, it’s not normal. I feel estranged because I don’t own my experiences, but they’re there to be shared and be opened about. Because inside of us we are all going through the same thing. We’re all vulnerable. We all need to open up with each other, hug each other, and share. There is some kind of distance between me and the words that I say. When I say something, I’m not ‘saying something so personal to myself’ even though people view it as personal, but I see a distance between the words I say and the very me. I sometimes have this openedness that some people oppose, people think I’m weird. By time I learnt so ‘socialise’ myself in what to say and share with people. But I actually don’t like that. I want to walk with no weight upon myself, I want to walk like an opened heart, feeling and sharing everything. Walking emotionally bare. There is no taboo subject to me, there is nothing that you can say to me that’s ‘weird’ because I know that it’s inside us all.
I guess that’s why people always approach me for things, for help, random people on the street talk to me, pick me to talk to, rather than anybody else due to emitting that openedness because people feel it. People feel that you’re opened to them. Why do people generally find it hard to be emotional or to cry in public? To be opened to the world? To not feel awkward to show their very emotion? Why do some people feel uncomfortable when conversations get too deep, too emotional and hard to grasp? Why are people walking like a rigid, rational, machine rather than a flowy, soft, opened to feel human being? I wish the world was like that.. That anyone can just walk up to anyone and say ‘I’m going through this’ and they both hug each other and other says ‘I’m going through this too’. Love.
My experience with waist training after one month…
I’ve always wanted a waist trainer, but I was somehow hesitant to if it actually works, is it safe, and what’s the point if I can just workout to get the shape I want? So far, I have lost 1.5″ off my waist, down to 23.5″ and I’m actually quite surprised because I didn’t think it would be that effective on me. After just one to two weeks of wearing it I’ve noticed that it helps to flatten my stomach and enhance my shape more. Also, my favourite feature about the waist trainer is that it significantly improved my posture and it’s more second-nature to me to have a better posture even if I’m not wearing it. I never wanted to get a waist trainer as a weight loss medium, in fact, I’m actually trying to gain weight, but I wanted it to improve my body shape more, and attain a smaller waist, which is what I prefer on myself, (I’m not trying to portray that this is the ideal body type in any way, I’m just expressing what I prefer on myself and sharing my experience with my readers!). Continue reading
A beautiful soul got me this amazing book about Japanese skincare, and I will be sharing with you some of the tips and tricks that I pick up from this book very soon! 😀 ♥
Marula oil is by far my favourite skin care essential (along with rosewater!), it is a naturally anti-ageing, anti-oxidant rich oil, that’s reportedly the more powerful version of Morrocan argan oil. Through using it, I found that my skin looks so much more radiant, and youthful, especially when I apply it at night, in the morning my skin seriously looks magically amazing! This oil is so light weight, it absorbs fast into my skin, and even gives a matte finish to the skin (it can even be used as a make-up primer). It is a little bit pricey, but I think it’s totally worth it, since it’s completely natural, not artificial, and works absolutely amazing for the skin…
More information about marula oil:
You need to do two things – replenish protein levels and deeply condition. Replenishing protein levels in your hair is vital since this is what your hair is made from and all the damaged done to it by heat, chemicals, and everyday wear and tear can strip your hair from its optimum protein levels, and therefore leaving it weak, lifeless, and not in it’s natural state. Deep conditioning is also highly important so you supply your hair with enough moisture to keep it smooth, and sustain it’s elasticity.
I find myself lost. I don’t know who I am. What I stand for. Just lost in emotions. Where am I? I find myself being 12 again. The age of 12 when I faced so many major changes in my life, confused about my identity, asking who am I, where am I, why am I created. A time of complete confusion. A time where I felt lonely, a time where I felt like I needed so much, I needed freedom. Physical and spiritual freedom. I had no confidence. Constrained within myself. I didn’t feel beautiful. Nothing made me feel beautiful. I used to wish someone told me I was truly beautiful. I used to wish a boy could hold me, touch me, just out of pure love and emotion. I used to wish someone can look into my eyes and uplift me, lift me up so so high that I wouldn’t feel a thing. My face showed absolutely no sign of what I was suffering from inside. I wanted to be held, I wanted to feel safe. I wanted someone to wrap around me, protect me. I was so lonely. Gradually during my teenage years, I developed and became a whole new person, each day, just reflecting and growing, mentally and emotionally. I went to all different directions, tried them, experienced them, and picked where I want to be. I got incredible confidence, from simply reducing myself down to my soul, emitting pure love, a pure smile to everything around me. I got to a point where I felt genuine happiness in my life. And through all I’ve been through, I’ve genuinely realised how purely blessed I am, what I want in life, to live a life full of growth, love, and pure embracing of my emotions, good and bad, because they’re all experiences and they’re a blessing for me. That’s how I continued and I know that’s how I want to continue, just living genuinely with love. But how do I feel right now? I feel like I’m back to 12 or my early teenage years. I feel like I want so much, I want so much love, I want to be wrapped and protected. I feel scared. I don’t feel like I’m beautiful. I created this blog originally to share my emotions, and positivity on body image and self-acceptance. How ironic I find myself 3 years later wanting that self acceptance all over again. It’s not as intense as when I was younger, but I really feel like I’m not good enough.. I’m not beautiful enough.. I’m not complete.. I’m crying as I write this.. I don’t know who I am I don’t know what I want.. I feel confused.. I feel like I am nothing.. I want to cry cry cry all my emotions out.. It’s overwhelming.. But this is just growth…