I find myself lost. I don’t know who I am. What I stand for. Just lost in emotions. Where am I? I find myself being 12 again. The age of 12 when I faced so many major changes in my life, confused about my identity, asking who am I, where am I, why am I created. A time of complete confusion. A time where I felt lonely, a time where I felt like I needed so much, I needed freedom. Physical and spiritual freedom. I had no confidence. Constrained within myself. I didn’t feel beautiful. Nothing made me feel beautiful. I used to wish someone told me I was truly beautiful. I used to wish a boy could hold me, touch me, just out of pure love and emotion. I used to wish someone can look into my eyes and uplift me, lift me up so so high that I wouldn’t feel a thing. My face showed absolutely no sign of what I was suffering from inside. I wanted to be held, I wanted to feel safe. I wanted someone to wrap around me, protect me. I was so lonely. Gradually during my teenage years, I developed and became a whole new person, each day, just reflecting and growing, mentally and emotionally. I went to all different directions, tried them, experienced them, and picked where I want to be. I got incredible confidence, from simply reducing myself down to my soul, emitting pure love, a pure smile to everything around me. I got to a point where I felt genuine happiness in my life. And through all I’ve been through, I’ve genuinely realised how purely blessed I am, what I want in life, to live a life full of growth, love, and pure embracing of my emotions, good and bad, because they’re all experiences and they’re a blessing for me. That’s how I continued and I know that’s how I want to continue, just living genuinely with love. But how do I feel right now? I feel like I’m back to 12 or my early teenage years. I feel like I want so much, I want so much love, I want to be wrapped and protected. I feel scared. I don’t feel like I’m beautiful. I created this blog originally to share my emotions, and positivity on body image and self-acceptance. How ironic I find myself 3 years later wanting that self acceptance all over again. It’s not as intense as when I was younger, but I really feel like I’m not good enough.. I’m not beautiful enough.. I’m not complete.. I’m crying as I write this.. I don’t know who I am I don’t know what I want.. I feel confused.. I feel like I am nothing.. I want to cry cry cry all my emotions out.. It’s overwhelming.. But this is just growth…

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