You Just Need To Let Go

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I’ve been trying to let go of that urge to control things. Sometimes I just love things being in my hand and me in control of what’s going on. My hands just grasp on it for my sanity. But I need to let go. I need to let go and accept that whatever will be, will be. There’s been a long time when that feeling of control wasn’t really there or wasn’t so intense. I was in a healthier frame of mind. But now with all sorts of things becoming quite unknown to me and overwhelming to me, there’s this need to control as much of my current life as I can and to hold on tight because of a vulnerability of mine. I need to realise that whatever will be will be, loosen up my fingers and just let go. The worst thing that could happen is perhaps the best thing that could happen, because it’s meant to be. Things should happen freely and flowingly, rather than forced and controlled.

It’s okay if you let go. It’s okay. You don’t own anything, remember that. You are actually not in possession of anything, life doesn’t owe you anything, you’re not supposed to own ‘this or that’. Because you just don’t.

My fear holding me back from letting go requires me to waste my energy and hold onto something with all my power and strength so it allegedly doesn’t disappear from my life. Impossible. It’s a waste of my energy, when we can just let go, let it all be free, and rather than hold onto something, just flow like a feather so light and free in the air. It’s like holding onto the bar of a helicopter and finally letting go so you’re alone just supported by the air. Let it take you. Let it take you away and just let go. Breathe, finally breathe.

Learn to love the journey and enjoy every moment of it without holding onto anything.

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Cruelty-free Beauty

DSC_0653I feel that it is so incredibly essential to know where we put our money, and what exactly we are getting. When it comes to food, I think that it is so unnatural to buy something with a label that contains no word you can pronounce. You don’t actually know what it is, you don’t actually know how it’s made, where it’s extracted, where it comes from, and at the end, you put it in your body? Or some people automatically think that if it’s sold in stores, then it is safe and approved to be consumed so there’s nothing to worry about. It is up to you whether you buy these items or not, but I feel like it is your right and your responsibility to know exactly what is going in what you are buying. Sometimes when I go out for a quick snack to eat from a food place, I ask the workers for the ingredients inside their recipes, and they end up panicking asking each other for help because they don’t know what to tell me. They end up asking me if I’m allergic to anything, and I say “no, I just want to know the ingredients, I want to know what I’m buying”. They get surpised by my enquiry and I get surpised because by law, they have to know what they’re selling, they have to have a list of ingredients, and the customer should very easily attain them. I get surpised that this happens in a highly developed country, that customers cannot easily attain an ingredients list, let alone know what they’re buying.

That was a bit off topic from the heading of this post, but I want more people to take responsibility for where they are putting their money. I am very interested in beauty and definitely plan to develop the beauty section on this blog because it’s such a big part of my life and I’m very passionate about it. Because I usually turn to natural products, as part of my hair and body routine, that aspect is cruelty-free. However, in terms of make-up, I stayed away from two companies as I was aware they do animal testing, and I blindly thought that all other companies are okay. But after doing further research, I was surpised by the number of companies or parent companies that actually do animal testing and I feel that is is completely my responsibility to know exactly what I am buying, and what processes are done in creating these products, because I know I cannot physically fund animal testing, giving a company more money in order to carry out what they’re doing. Also, I learned that any company sold in China has to carry out animal testing since it’s required by law there. It just doesn’t make sense to me how some companies can make amazing products and be so successful and not carry out this crime. Just so we can look good. So, any further beauty or make-up products I may mention on this blog I will make sure it is cruelty free, and if you do not think it is, please let me know. It’s amazing how all these top multi-national corporations just abuse cheap labour, cheap land, and using all their resources to extreme utilitarian measures due to greed, possibly paying much cheaper tax, or even no tax at all. With all the crimes they’re committing, they still give you pretty advertisements, with the top celebrities using their products, and the amazing results you’re going to get, and it’s all just a lie. How much are you really chained to the lie? To the world? To the trends? Like it or not, to some extent you are, even subconsciously. I believe that it’s true freedom to be cut from all that.

Another thing I wanted to say, is that mainstream, commercial shampoo contains sulphates to strip the natural oils in your hair and dry it out. You are told the directions, you are told what to do “use this shampoo and follow with the conditioner for amazing silky hair, then use this moisturiser to seal in the hydration” and then people eventually start noticing their hair falling out, the health of their hair declining. So instead, they reach for natural sulphate -free alternatives, but not only that, but paraban-free and possibly mineral-oil free, because they find out that these chemicals are bad. Then those big multi-nationals start coming out with new products that are actually sulphate-free. It’s just ironic how they try to reverse the years of damage that they caused, to still try and get money off you. They obviously know that sulphates are bad for your hair prior to the studies or the media highlighting it. They know how bad and harmful the chemicals they put in the products can be. But they put it for maximum profit. For instant results, just like you see in that advertisement. What’s funny is, you don’t actually need sulphates to wash your hair, but it strips the oils in your hair purposely so you use conditioner, and thus giving more money and feeding that pattern of consumerism. There’s probably another chemical in their shampoo that’s harmful, and in a few years, it’s officially discovered that it’s harmful (even though they already know) then they release products without it, continuously getting money off you.

I just feel like it’s so important to be aware of these things. Not just with food, beauty products, but also the way the media one year claims that one year, fats are bad, and the next year, carbohydrates are bad. Directly having an impact on your diet. One year, it’s good to be skinny, and the next year, it’s good to have curly hair, and the next year it’s good to wear patterened trousers. Again, it’s all consumerism, but I feel like maybe people want to follow these trends because they subconsciously don’t want to “miss out”, they don’t want to feel like they’re missing out on something, the joys of something that they’re constantly surrounded with or budged into their eyes. But that also doesn’t go for trends, but it goes for life. You shouldn’t feel like you need to do something, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything, to “fit in” especially if you don’t know the purpose that you are doing it for. You don’t know what you are getting, you don’t know what you are buying from that possible invested time, energy,  money, that you are putting into something. Just like how you check the ingredients list make sure you know what’s in a product because it’s your responsibility to care for yourself and know what you’re actually paying for. So we need to research and educate ourselves about what is in the actual products we are buying, or ideas we are buying or a lifestyle we are following. So, when you come to do something, possibly due to peer-pressure (from any direction), or anything, make sure you know exactly what you are going to get out of it. Don’t follow blindly. You are a free human being and there’s no need to tie yourself down.

 

Don’t blame others for your own progress!

When it comes to fitness, stop blaming others for your own progress. You’re the only one in control, it’s so easy to give excuses why you don’t do it. Just look down, you’re by yourself, and close your lips. Just do it. Just turn your brain off and just do it. Then you’ll find you came a long way away.. Just because your senses are turned off, you’re not listening, looking, thinking to all those different directions. No, you just do it.. And I believe that is how the people with the greatest physiques work. They just turn their brains off, put their heads down, do it, and get lost inside it. That’s the epitome of being focussed and in synchronisation with your body, moving, and progress.

We spend so long thinking ‘but I want to look like that’ with our eyes wide open. Just close your eyes and do it, because you don’t know how big of an inspiration you would be by just focusing inwards, reaching potentials that are better than the ones you saw. You don’t know what your genetic limit actually is, you don’t know what your full potential actually is, the journey is about discovering yourself and making the most out of you, your energy…

I find myself lost. I don’t know who I am. What I stand for. Just lost in emotions. Where am I? I find myself being 12 again. The age of 12 when I faced so many major changes in my life, confused about my identity, asking who am I, where am I, why am I created. A time of complete confusion. A time where I felt lonely, a time where I felt like I needed so much, I needed freedom. Physical and spiritual freedom. I had no confidence. Constrained within myself. I didn’t feel beautiful. Nothing made me feel beautiful. I used to wish someone told me I was truly beautiful. I used to wish a boy could hold me, touch me, just out of pure love and emotion. I used to wish someone can look into my eyes and uplift me, lift me up so so high that I wouldn’t feel a thing. My face showed absolutely no sign of what I was suffering from inside. I wanted to be held, I wanted to feel safe. I wanted someone to wrap around me, protect me. I was so lonely. Gradually during my teenage years, I developed and became a whole new person, each day, just reflecting and growing, mentally and emotionally. I went to all different directions, tried them, experienced them, and picked where I want to be. I got incredible confidence, from simply reducing myself down to my soul, emitting pure love, a pure smile to everything around me. I got to a point where I felt genuine happiness in my life. And through all I’ve been through, I’ve genuinely realised how purely blessed I am, what I want in life, to live a life full of growth, love, and pure embracing of my emotions, good and bad, because they’re all experiences and they’re a blessing for me. That’s how I continued and I know that’s how I want to continue, just living genuinely with love. But how do I feel right now? I feel like I’m back to 12 or my early teenage years. I feel like I want so much, I want so much love, I want to be wrapped and protected. I feel scared. I don’t feel like I’m beautiful. I created this blog originally to share my emotions, and positivity on body image and self-acceptance. How ironic I find myself 3 years later wanting that self acceptance all over again. It’s not as intense as when I was younger, but I really feel like I’m not good enough.. I’m not beautiful enough.. I’m not complete.. I’m crying as I write this.. I don’t know who I am I don’t know what I want.. I feel confused.. I feel like I am nothing.. I want to cry cry cry all my emotions out.. It’s overwhelming.. But this is just growth…

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting as much. This period that I’m in has been slightly unusual for me. I’ve been so far away from my self, so caught up with things that are not myself that I grew distant from the very inner me. I’ve been quiet on my blog simply because I didn’t have anything to share. So lost, so confused, feeling a multitude of things that I couldn’t even begin to express. I had no words to describe the inner muddle that I was in. I was feeling like there was no inspiration within myself, it’s a phase of complete quietness, complete observance, complete submission to the unwanted places that I was in. I wake up every day it’s the same routine, same thing happening in my day on, and on and on… In complete submission to that, it became my comfort zone. It’s almost like I’m scared to do anything outside of it. I’m too comfortable and I know if I’m too comfortable I won’t find inspiration anymore in whatever I’m in. From all the muddle that I was in inside me, I didn’t want anything else inside me. I stopped eating as much, if anyone would give me an order I would get angry because I simply don’t want any type of input to me because I have enough stuff I have to deal with inside me. And when you don’t put anything in the input, what happens? You lose energy, lose inspiration.  It’s time to wake up, shake things up a bit, and learn from what happened to me. Take risks, get out of your comfort zone even if you don’t know where you’re going. As long as you love yourself, prioritise yourself, have trust in yourself, because it will  reflect outward. I need to breathe and focus in myself, tune my focus inside me… What do I really feel? What do I do? Is my body in a good healthy condition? (Because that reflects the mind) I want to live life fully, consciously, healthily. And it’s okay if I had a time where I was living complete opposite to that, it’s all about making the most of your experiences, the darkest ones, and the brightest ones because they all compliment each other. I’m sorry me… I want to say sorry to myself for neglecting myself like that.. I’m sorry.

Reminder: Sign Petition

Sign: http://www.change.org/petitions/seaworld-inc-humanely-release-the-orca-whale-known-as-tilikum-to-a-seapen-for-rehab

Our message is simple: keeping a 12,000+ pound Orca whale in a pool, (that is less than a fraction of 1% of his natural habitat,) is simply illogical. To use a living, breathing, self-aware and extremely intelligent sentient being as a sperm bank in a forced captive breeding program, and as a part-time splash-machine for the enjoyment of the paying public is, considered by many, simply appalling. In captivity, Orcas cannot use their echolocation, as the sound waves will actually bounce off the tank’s concrete sides and literally deafen the animal. (In some cases the animal has literally gone insane). Tanks are sanitized with chlorine, copper sulfate, and other harsh chemicals that irritate the dolphins and whales’ eyes, causing many to swim with their eyes closed. In the wild, male Orca whales can live to be 50-60+ and wild female Orcas have lived to be over 90. In captivity, most whales and dolphins do not live to adulthood, many die in their teens.

Source: http://www.freetillynow.org/

Thank you and please pass it on! ❤️

 

 

It’s okay to just sit there and not do anything, I think they’re daily moments of bliss to just lose track of time, and our duties. Most days, I don’t know what day of the month or week it is. Some people call it unorganised. Some people tell me I should get up and do something. But you don’t always have to be doing something. Sometimes it’s just good to day dream, re-charge, think, and relax. It’s good to just be in the present moment, and not think about what happened yesterday or plan what’s going to happen tomorrow.

 

 

In the past month, since my birthday, I’ve experienced the deepest, most contrasting emotions of my life. I experienced real friendship, love in its purest form, heart ache, helplessness, unity, gain, loss, being forgiven, forgiving, empathy, companionship, guilt, honesty, obsession, feeling trapped in my body and thoughts, eating so much, not eating at all, shock, pain, I felt like I didn’t want to be any more, fragile, ecstatic, smiling so much my face hurts, laughing so much my abs hurt, breathless because I was crying so much, heart beating so hard I feel it in every cell of my body, wanting to be a mother, loneliness, strength, weakness, feeling controlled, being turned on, off, pure freedom, loved, adored, shaken… Just everything, and I can’t even put them all into words.

Yet, nothing major in my life happened, I’m still living in the same way and talking to the same people. I just feel so much, and I’ve never been that sensitive before in my life. I feel like I’m so opened up to the world, I’m feeling everything. As much as I like it, and feel emotionally free because I’m sensing everything, I also feel vulnerable because I don’t know what’s coming. I don’t know what to expect, but I shouldn’t expect anything, because everything’s possible. And when you expect something, you are actually more vulnerable since you might not get it. It feels so comfortable to just live and feel.

 

I think that the best indication of how much you love and care for yourself is the time where you don’t have the people who love you connected to you emotionally. When people provide you with love, it feeds your ego. It makes you feel secure, content, and it gets too comfortable. When they suddenly go, and stop feeding you with love, all there is to provide you with genuine love and care is yourself.

I learnt this because I’m naturally independent, but I still need love and care. But when someone who once provided me with everything I want, hurt me, I felt empty, as if a part of my heart was filled by that person, but I can’t fill it with my own love to myself. Suddenly, I just started not caring about things. My health declined, and self-content too. I even stopped blogging and talking to people (well, as much people), as I wanted alone time to self-reflect.

I do feel vulnerable when I write my deepest emotions on the internet, especially when a lot of readers know me in person but have no idea what I’m experiencing. But we need to let go of our egos, and just be transparent with our feelings, because we are all vulnerable. When we were born, we were vulnerable, but didn’t hide it. So, why are we hiding it now?

What happened to me wasn’t bad, it was a mini phase of self-growth. The fact that I point out these negative feelings I have towards myself now, means that I will avoid these feelings in the future. I’m being sensitive enough to distinguish and indicate my emotions, however major or minor, to become a better version of me.

It’s important to become sensitive enough to the workings of your body, mentally, emotionally, and physically, so you can clearly sense when your body is telling you a something (in my case, it’s an unwanted feeling, and my body was telling me to sort it out).

 

Don’t know what career you want?

Visit   www.sokanu.com 

I finally found a careers website that asks you various questions about your personality, what you enjoy, what you definitely want or don’t want in a job, and then it finds you the right careers for you, according to your persona. It’s great if you have no clue what you want to be/what you want to study, as with each job, it gives you how compatible you are with it in percentages.

After it analyses you, it gives you the most suitable occupations.

After it analyses you, it gives you the most suitable occupations.

Scroll down for endless ideas, ordered by compatibility in %

Scroll down for endless ideas, ordered by compatibility in %

A more in-depth view

A more in-depth view

It even shows you where you can get the highest salary in the specified occupation.

It even shows you where you can get the highest salary in the specified occupation.

The only disadvantage is that it asks so many questions, so it takes time. And, it’s more focused on America rather than the whole world (as you can see above). But, seriously, made my day (and my exam results too). :p