You Just Need To Let Go

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I’ve been trying to let go of that urge to control things. Sometimes I just love things being in my hand and me in control of what’s going on. My hands just grasp on it for my sanity. But I need to let go. I need to let go and accept that whatever will be, will be. There’s been a long time when that feeling of control wasn’t really there or wasn’t so intense. I was in a healthier frame of mind. But now with all sorts of things becoming quite unknown to me and overwhelming to me, there’s this need to control as much of my current life as I can and to hold on tight because of a vulnerability of mine. I need to realise that whatever will be will be, loosen up my fingers and just let go. The worst thing that could happen is perhaps the best thing that could happen, because it’s meant to be. Things should happen freely and flowingly, rather than forced and controlled.

It’s okay if you let go. It’s okay. You don’t own anything, remember that. You are actually not in possession of anything, life doesn’t owe you anything, you’re not supposed to own ‘this or that’. Because you just don’t.

My fear holding me back from letting go requires me to waste my energy and hold onto something with all my power and strength so it allegedly doesn’t disappear from my life. Impossible. It’s a waste of my energy, when we can just let go, let it all be free, and rather than hold onto something, just flow like a feather so light and free in the air. It’s like holding onto the bar of a helicopter and finally letting go so you’re alone just supported by the air. Let it take you. Let it take you away and just let go. Breathe, finally breathe.

Learn to love the journey and enjoy every moment of it without holding onto anything.

Openness…

Am I the only person who thinks its not weird to go up to a random person and say ‘hi, I’m going through this and that in my life’? If that was the case, the other person may think you’re weird, you’re random, or they need to get away from you because that’s just not ‘normal’. It’s okay to ask someone for the time, directions, but it’s not normal to go up to someone and say ‘hey.. Have you ever felt like this?’. It’s like a taboo subject. I get surprised whenever people tell me ‘you must really trust me to say this to me’ or ‘Lugine you don’t share things like that with people’, it’s not normal. I feel estranged because I don’t own my experiences, but they’re there to be  shared and be opened about. Because inside of us we are all going through the same thing. We’re all vulnerable. We all need to open up with each other, hug each other, and share. There is some kind of distance between me and the words that I say. When I say something, I’m not ‘saying something so personal to myself’ even though people view it as personal, but I see a distance between the words I say and the very me. I sometimes have this openedness that some people oppose, people think I’m weird. By time I learnt so ‘socialise’ myself in what to say and share with people. But I actually don’t like that. I want to walk with no weight upon myself, I want to walk like an opened heart, feeling and sharing everything. Walking emotionally bare. There is no taboo subject to me, there is nothing that you can say to me that’s ‘weird’ because I know that it’s inside us all.

I guess that’s why people always approach me for things, for help, random people on the street talk to me, pick me to talk to, rather than anybody else due to emitting that openedness because people feel it. People feel that you’re opened to them. Why do people generally find it hard to be emotional or to cry in public? To be opened to the world? To not feel awkward to show their very emotion? Why do some people feel uncomfortable when conversations get too deep, too emotional and hard to grasp? Why are people walking like a rigid, rational, machine rather than a flowy, soft, opened to feel human being? I wish the world was like that.. That anyone can just walk up to anyone and say ‘I’m going through this’ and they both hug each other and other says ‘I’m going through this too’. Love.

Why do all women look like each other?!

Madison Stubbington for Gucci, a twist to the typical ‘trendy’ make-up…

Social media, trends, whatever, are all portraying the typical woman with big lashes, chiselled cheekbones, a defined jawline, a thin contoured nose, bronzed, flawless skin, big full lips that this ‘particular’ celebrity induced, etc… Contouring with make-up has been like an order ‘this is how you do it, this is how you should look like’ and there’s nothing wrong with that, if you’re comfortable with yourself looking like that, that’s fine. But it’s about finding what works best for you, not for the mass. I was doing my friend’s make-up the other day and what stood up for me was when she said ‘you didn’t try to change my facial features’. I myself love big lashes, bronzer, but I feel uncomfortable when I follow these trends, why do I want to be like the rest for? I started researching Korean, Japanese, Parisian, African trends, etc. for a possibly different twist on the typical picture in social media. The best advice I would give to anyone is to spend time in front of the mirror, experiment, and be creative with what works best for you. Do more leading than following, find your own style. Study yourself. What ever is on trend, try doing the opposite, try to invert the traditional methods of how things are done. Find out how to contour your own face shape, your own eye shape, through trial and error, pick what makes you feel comfortable in your own eyes. Who says you can’t wear a strong, bright lip with a strong eye?! Same thing for how you dress, your hair, your body, study yourself and be comfortable in yourself, there’s no feature that you have to hide for the eyes of society, and there’s no feature that you have to show. It’s your own identity, not anyone else’s. I was walking by a jewellery store the other day and I was happy to see model Madison Stubbington for Gucci without heavy contouring, eye lashes, big overdrawn lips, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s taking a different direction to the ‘norm’. Smile, you’re a beautiful soul (and spend time with yourself in the mirror)! ♥ ;D

“You make me happy every second of my life bringing light into it brightening it up… You cover me with your love, you hold me, you calm me when I’m mad or sad, you lift me up, you love me, you love me with all your heart and soul and every cell in your body and with that love… That love keeps me alive… I love you!!!”

I’ve been quiet…

I have been quiet for a while, not posting as much. Feeling as though I just want to let go of everything, let go of any commitments or anything that I have to do. Just be. And when I’m like that, people always wonder  “why isn’t she doing anything” “she’s just sitting there she could be doing something”. And I feel like it’s such an ignorant statement because there could be something much greater going on inside one’s self. And it’s amazing how us humans are institutionalised to ‘doing’, it’s a part of our socio-economic system, we have to do something be somewhere, with things expected from us, we’re always living with these barriers around us, which at the end takes away from our freedom. And I’m not a doing machine, I’m a feeling machine. I’m a human. And it’s amazing to just be in the moment and feel because I’m constantly evolving. It’s about accepting and working with yourself as you evolve, it’s about living, loving, and being in every moment, not necessarily caught up with ‘doing’.

I trust myself, I trust my heart, I trust my internal dialogues, my internal feelings, my internal worlds, connecting with them. And even though I may seem quiet, inactive, there’s something much greater going on, evolving inside me. I appreciate and I am blessed for the times where I’m active, inactive, in the light, in the dark, or somewhere in between that I don’t even know. Because actually they’re not the labels we give them of ‘light’ or ‘dark’, because they all help each other to form me.

You have all inside yourself, listen to your heart, body and mind because they’re all one, they’re all connected. When you don’t have external mediums communicating to you, you start to naturally communicate more with yourself, tuning in to yourself. When you let go of ‘doing’ of what you’re expected, of hearing, of following, of what you ‘have’ to do, you’ll find that going deeper into yourself, there’s clarity within your vision. You’ll get a better idea of what you really want, that is where you find inspiration within your self, in your inner universe because everything is really there. And once you’ve entered that place inside yourself, that is only 1% of what’s inside you, because inside you, there’s everything. And people often forget about that, and get on with their everyday lives without accessing their deeper self perhaps in a way they could do or to a degree that they could do, and once they’ve done that, I believe, that magical things start to happen you find what you want because you are more clear to yourself, you start to attract the right things for you, you see things you didn’t see before, you feel things you didn’t feel before, you’ll hear things you didn’t hear before. You find inspiration inside yourself.

 

 

It’s okay to just sit there and not do anything, I think they’re daily moments of bliss to just lose track of time, and our duties. Most days, I don’t know what day of the month or week it is. Some people call it unorganised. Some people tell me I should get up and do something. But you don’t always have to be doing something. Sometimes it’s just good to day dream, re-charge, think, and relax. It’s good to just be in the present moment, and not think about what happened yesterday or plan what’s going to happen tomorrow.