You Just Need To Let Go

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I’ve been trying to let go of that urge to control things. Sometimes I just love things being in my hand and me in control of what’s going on. My hands just grasp on it for my sanity. But I need to let go. I need to let go and accept that whatever will be, will be. There’s been a long time when that feeling of control wasn’t really there or wasn’t so intense. I was in a healthier frame of mind. But now with all sorts of things becoming quite unknown to me and overwhelming to me, there’s this need to control as much of my current life as I can and to hold on tight because of a vulnerability of mine. I need to realise that whatever will be will be, loosen up my fingers and just let go. The worst thing that could happen is perhaps the best thing that could happen, because it’s meant to be. Things should happen freely and flowingly, rather than forced and controlled.

It’s okay if you let go. It’s okay. You don’t own anything, remember that. You are actually not in possession of anything, life doesn’t owe you anything, you’re not supposed to own ‘this or that’. Because you just don’t.

My fear holding me back from letting go requires me to waste my energy and hold onto something with all my power and strength so it allegedly doesn’t disappear from my life. Impossible. It’s a waste of my energy, when we can just let go, let it all be free, and rather than hold onto something, just flow like a feather so light and free in the air. It’s like holding onto the bar of a helicopter and finally letting go so you’re alone just supported by the air. Let it take you. Let it take you away and just let go. Breathe, finally breathe.

Learn to love the journey and enjoy every moment of it without holding onto anything.

Cruelty-free Beauty

DSC_0653I feel that it is so incredibly essential to know where we put our money, and what exactly we are getting. When it comes to food, I think that it is so unnatural to buy something with a label that contains no word you can pronounce. You don’t actually know what it is, you don’t actually know how it’s made, where it’s extracted, where it comes from, and at the end, you put it in your body? Or some people automatically think that if it’s sold in stores, then it is safe and approved to be consumed so there’s nothing to worry about. It is up to you whether you buy these items or not, but I feel like it is your right and your responsibility to know exactly what is going in what you are buying. Sometimes when I go out for a quick snack to eat from a food place, I ask the workers for the ingredients inside their recipes, and they end up panicking asking each other for help because they don’t know what to tell me. They end up asking me if I’m allergic to anything, and I say “no, I just want to know the ingredients, I want to know what I’m buying”. They get surpised by my enquiry and I get surpised because by law, they have to know what they’re selling, they have to have a list of ingredients, and the customer should very easily attain them. I get surpised that this happens in a highly developed country, that customers cannot easily attain an ingredients list, let alone know what they’re buying.

That was a bit off topic from the heading of this post, but I want more people to take responsibility for where they are putting their money. I am very interested in beauty and definitely plan to develop the beauty section on this blog because it’s such a big part of my life and I’m very passionate about it. Because I usually turn to natural products, as part of my hair and body routine, that aspect is cruelty-free. However, in terms of make-up, I stayed away from two companies as I was aware they do animal testing, and I blindly thought that all other companies are okay. But after doing further research, I was surpised by the number of companies or parent companies that actually do animal testing and I feel that is is completely my responsibility to know exactly what I am buying, and what processes are done in creating these products, because I know I cannot physically fund animal testing, giving a company more money in order to carry out what they’re doing. Also, I learned that any company sold in China has to carry out animal testing since it’s required by law there. It just doesn’t make sense to me how some companies can make amazing products and be so successful and not carry out this crime. Just so we can look good. So, any further beauty or make-up products I may mention on this blog I will make sure it is cruelty free, and if you do not think it is, please let me know. It’s amazing how all these top multi-national corporations just abuse cheap labour, cheap land, and using all their resources to extreme utilitarian measures due to greed, possibly paying much cheaper tax, or even no tax at all. With all the crimes they’re committing, they still give you pretty advertisements, with the top celebrities using their products, and the amazing results you’re going to get, and it’s all just a lie. How much are you really chained to the lie? To the world? To the trends? Like it or not, to some extent you are, even subconsciously. I believe that it’s true freedom to be cut from all that.

Another thing I wanted to say, is that mainstream, commercial shampoo contains sulphates to strip the natural oils in your hair and dry it out. You are told the directions, you are told what to do “use this shampoo and follow with the conditioner for amazing silky hair, then use this moisturiser to seal in the hydration” and then people eventually start noticing their hair falling out, the health of their hair declining. So instead, they reach for natural sulphate -free alternatives, but not only that, but paraban-free and possibly mineral-oil free, because they find out that these chemicals are bad. Then those big multi-nationals start coming out with new products that are actually sulphate-free. It’s just ironic how they try to reverse the years of damage that they caused, to still try and get money off you. They obviously know that sulphates are bad for your hair prior to the studies or the media highlighting it. They know how bad and harmful the chemicals they put in the products can be. But they put it for maximum profit. For instant results, just like you see in that advertisement. What’s funny is, you don’t actually need sulphates to wash your hair, but it strips the oils in your hair purposely so you use conditioner, and thus giving more money and feeding that pattern of consumerism. There’s probably another chemical in their shampoo that’s harmful, and in a few years, it’s officially discovered that it’s harmful (even though they already know) then they release products without it, continuously getting money off you.

I just feel like it’s so important to be aware of these things. Not just with food, beauty products, but also the way the media one year claims that one year, fats are bad, and the next year, carbohydrates are bad. Directly having an impact on your diet. One year, it’s good to be skinny, and the next year, it’s good to have curly hair, and the next year it’s good to wear patterened trousers. Again, it’s all consumerism, but I feel like maybe people want to follow these trends because they subconsciously don’t want to “miss out”, they don’t want to feel like they’re missing out on something, the joys of something that they’re constantly surrounded with or budged into their eyes. But that also doesn’t go for trends, but it goes for life. You shouldn’t feel like you need to do something, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything, to “fit in” especially if you don’t know the purpose that you are doing it for. You don’t know what you are getting, you don’t know what you are buying from that possible invested time, energy,  money, that you are putting into something. Just like how you check the ingredients list make sure you know what’s in a product because it’s your responsibility to care for yourself and know what you’re actually paying for. So we need to research and educate ourselves about what is in the actual products we are buying, or ideas we are buying or a lifestyle we are following. So, when you come to do something, possibly due to peer-pressure (from any direction), or anything, make sure you know exactly what you are going to get out of it. Don’t follow blindly. You are a free human being and there’s no need to tie yourself down.

 

Don’t blame others for your own progress!

When it comes to fitness, stop blaming others for your own progress. You’re the only one in control, it’s so easy to give excuses why you don’t do it. Just look down, you’re by yourself, and close your lips. Just do it. Just turn your brain off and just do it. Then you’ll find you came a long way away.. Just because your senses are turned off, you’re not listening, looking, thinking to all those different directions. No, you just do it.. And I believe that is how the people with the greatest physiques work. They just turn their brains off, put their heads down, do it, and get lost inside it. That’s the epitome of being focussed and in synchronisation with your body, moving, and progress.

We spend so long thinking ‘but I want to look like that’ with our eyes wide open. Just close your eyes and do it, because you don’t know how big of an inspiration you would be by just focusing inwards, reaching potentials that are better than the ones you saw. You don’t know what your genetic limit actually is, you don’t know what your full potential actually is, the journey is about discovering yourself and making the most out of you, your energy…

Openness…

Am I the only person who thinks its not weird to go up to a random person and say ‘hi, I’m going through this and that in my life’? If that was the case, the other person may think you’re weird, you’re random, or they need to get away from you because that’s just not ‘normal’. It’s okay to ask someone for the time, directions, but it’s not normal to go up to someone and say ‘hey.. Have you ever felt like this?’. It’s like a taboo subject. I get surprised whenever people tell me ‘you must really trust me to say this to me’ or ‘Lugine you don’t share things like that with people’, it’s not normal. I feel estranged because I don’t own my experiences, but they’re there to be  shared and be opened about. Because inside of us we are all going through the same thing. We’re all vulnerable. We all need to open up with each other, hug each other, and share. There is some kind of distance between me and the words that I say. When I say something, I’m not ‘saying something so personal to myself’ even though people view it as personal, but I see a distance between the words I say and the very me. I sometimes have this openedness that some people oppose, people think I’m weird. By time I learnt so ‘socialise’ myself in what to say and share with people. But I actually don’t like that. I want to walk with no weight upon myself, I want to walk like an opened heart, feeling and sharing everything. Walking emotionally bare. There is no taboo subject to me, there is nothing that you can say to me that’s ‘weird’ because I know that it’s inside us all.

I guess that’s why people always approach me for things, for help, random people on the street talk to me, pick me to talk to, rather than anybody else due to emitting that openedness because people feel it. People feel that you’re opened to them. Why do people generally find it hard to be emotional or to cry in public? To be opened to the world? To not feel awkward to show their very emotion? Why do some people feel uncomfortable when conversations get too deep, too emotional and hard to grasp? Why are people walking like a rigid, rational, machine rather than a flowy, soft, opened to feel human being? I wish the world was like that.. That anyone can just walk up to anyone and say ‘I’m going through this’ and they both hug each other and other says ‘I’m going through this too’. Love.

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting as much. This period that I’m in has been slightly unusual for me. I’ve been so far away from my self, so caught up with things that are not myself that I grew distant from the very inner me. I’ve been quiet on my blog simply because I didn’t have anything to share. So lost, so confused, feeling a multitude of things that I couldn’t even begin to express. I had no words to describe the inner muddle that I was in. I was feeling like there was no inspiration within myself, it’s a phase of complete quietness, complete observance, complete submission to the unwanted places that I was in. I wake up every day it’s the same routine, same thing happening in my day on, and on and on… In complete submission to that, it became my comfort zone. It’s almost like I’m scared to do anything outside of it. I’m too comfortable and I know if I’m too comfortable I won’t find inspiration anymore in whatever I’m in. From all the muddle that I was in inside me, I didn’t want anything else inside me. I stopped eating as much, if anyone would give me an order I would get angry because I simply don’t want any type of input to me because I have enough stuff I have to deal with inside me. And when you don’t put anything in the input, what happens? You lose energy, lose inspiration.  It’s time to wake up, shake things up a bit, and learn from what happened to me. Take risks, get out of your comfort zone even if you don’t know where you’re going. As long as you love yourself, prioritise yourself, have trust in yourself, because it will  reflect outward. I need to breathe and focus in myself, tune my focus inside me… What do I really feel? What do I do? Is my body in a good healthy condition? (Because that reflects the mind) I want to live life fully, consciously, healthily. And it’s okay if I had a time where I was living complete opposite to that, it’s all about making the most of your experiences, the darkest ones, and the brightest ones because they all compliment each other. I’m sorry me… I want to say sorry to myself for neglecting myself like that.. I’m sorry.

I’ve been quiet…

I have been quiet for a while, not posting as much. Feeling as though I just want to let go of everything, let go of any commitments or anything that I have to do. Just be. And when I’m like that, people always wonder  “why isn’t she doing anything” “she’s just sitting there she could be doing something”. And I feel like it’s such an ignorant statement because there could be something much greater going on inside one’s self. And it’s amazing how us humans are institutionalised to ‘doing’, it’s a part of our socio-economic system, we have to do something be somewhere, with things expected from us, we’re always living with these barriers around us, which at the end takes away from our freedom. And I’m not a doing machine, I’m a feeling machine. I’m a human. And it’s amazing to just be in the moment and feel because I’m constantly evolving. It’s about accepting and working with yourself as you evolve, it’s about living, loving, and being in every moment, not necessarily caught up with ‘doing’.

I trust myself, I trust my heart, I trust my internal dialogues, my internal feelings, my internal worlds, connecting with them. And even though I may seem quiet, inactive, there’s something much greater going on, evolving inside me. I appreciate and I am blessed for the times where I’m active, inactive, in the light, in the dark, or somewhere in between that I don’t even know. Because actually they’re not the labels we give them of ‘light’ or ‘dark’, because they all help each other to form me.

You have all inside yourself, listen to your heart, body and mind because they’re all one, they’re all connected. When you don’t have external mediums communicating to you, you start to naturally communicate more with yourself, tuning in to yourself. When you let go of ‘doing’ of what you’re expected, of hearing, of following, of what you ‘have’ to do, you’ll find that going deeper into yourself, there’s clarity within your vision. You’ll get a better idea of what you really want, that is where you find inspiration within your self, in your inner universe because everything is really there. And once you’ve entered that place inside yourself, that is only 1% of what’s inside you, because inside you, there’s everything. And people often forget about that, and get on with their everyday lives without accessing their deeper self perhaps in a way they could do or to a degree that they could do, and once they’ve done that, I believe, that magical things start to happen you find what you want because you are more clear to yourself, you start to attract the right things for you, you see things you didn’t see before, you feel things you didn’t feel before, you’ll hear things you didn’t hear before. You find inspiration inside yourself.

Too much empathy?

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I’ve been empathising and feeling people so much, to the point where I feel that I’m them and it shocks me to feel what they feel. It scares me. My heart feels like it doesn’t belong to me, because it’s filled with the emotions of others, until I wake myself up, and find me, to relocate myself back to me. It opened up my eyes more to what I really want in my life, and not to do what they did. I do it too much. I feel overwhelmed. I love feeling, because to me, they are my experiences. The more I feel, the more I experience. Therefore, I always try to understand others, and feel what they feel. I love it. But recently, I’ve been doing it too much, to the people who are closest to me, to the extent where I’m physically shaking and feel like I have no energy. I prayed, asking God to fill my heart with his love. I felt much better. I don’t know how much is too much. I don’t know if I should continue or stop myself. I feel like it’s a duty that I have. I empathise with everyone, the ‘good’ and ‘bad’, I guess it’s because I have a natural care for people, or that I’m opened to people. There’s no right way or wrong way to do anything. I believe sharing ideas, emotions, and thoughts is the way to being closer together. It’s common ground, rather than distancing ourselves from each other through the increasing barriers between us, when from inside, we all really are the same.

My Life Felt like TV…

DSC_0197It just feels so weird when all of a sudden, your life feels like a drama, a movie, a TV series. To the extent where you don’t even know what to feel or what to think any more, because you’ve never experienced such things, you only see them on TV to potentially attract audience. So people watch it and get amused, but when it happens to you, it hits you. You start to think of it like a chess game. What move should I make and what are the consequences of it? To put myself in everybody else’s shoes and think what’s the best decision for all of us. To fully think with the mind of that person. And to think that you have the power to change it all, to turn everything upside down, to experience the tough consequences, but it should all add up to form a bigger picture, in the long term, to something positive and meaningful. But thinking in the short term, makes it dominate your mind and lets nervousness run through you. Feeling vulnerable. Feeling hurt. But feeling powerful, because it’s in my hands. I try to take a mental break from it, but even when I sleep, I’m dreaming it. I don’t know what to do. I decide to wait a bit and see what fate brings, but look at every moment that passes with doubt, wondering if I should have done something.

This is how I felt a while ago, now things are cooler, and not as heated up. And what happened at the end was okay, but I know that it’s not the end. It’s like a roller coaster going up and down, but now I have a better, clearer picture of what to do when it shoots up again.