I’ve been empathising and feeling people so much, to the point where I feel that I’m them and it shocks me to feel what they feel. It scares me. My heart feels like it doesn’t belong to me, because it’s filled with the emotions of others, until I wake myself up, and find me, to relocate myself back to me. It opened up my eyes more to what I really want in my life, and not to do what they did. I do it too much. I feel overwhelmed. I love feeling, because to me, they are my experiences. The more I feel, the more I experience. Therefore, I always try to understand others, and feel what they feel. I love it. But recently, I’ve been doing it too much, to the people who are closest to me, to the extent where I’m physically shaking and feel like I have no energy. I prayed, asking God to fill my heart with his love. I felt much better. I don’t know how much is too much. I don’t know if I should continue or stop myself. I feel like it’s a duty that I have. I empathise with everyone, the ‘good’ and ‘bad’, I guess it’s because I have a natural care for people, or that I’m opened to people. There’s no right way or wrong way to do anything. I believe sharing ideas, emotions, and thoughts is the way to being closer together. It’s common ground, rather than distancing ourselves from each other through the increasing barriers between us, when from inside, we all really are the same.
It just feels so weird when all of a sudden, your life feels like a drama, a movie, a TV series. To the extent where you don’t even know what to feel or what to think any more, because you’ve never experienced such things, you only see them on TV to potentially attract audience. So people watch it and get amused, but when it happens to you, it hits you. You start to think of it like a chess game. What move should I make and what are the consequences of it? To put myself in everybody else’s shoes and think what’s the best decision for all of us. To fully think with the mind of that person. And to think that you have the power to change it all, to turn everything upside down, to experience the tough consequences, but it should all add up to form a bigger picture, in the long term, to something positive and meaningful. But thinking in the short term, makes it dominate your mind and lets nervousness run through you. Feeling vulnerable. Feeling hurt. But feeling powerful, because it’s in my hands. I try to take a mental break from it, but even when I sleep, I’m dreaming it. I don’t know what to do. I decide to wait a bit and see what fate brings, but look at every moment that passes with doubt, wondering if I should have done something.
This is how I felt a while ago, now things are cooler, and not as heated up. And what happened at the end was okay, but I know that it’s not the end. It’s like a roller coaster going up and down, but now I have a better, clearer picture of what to do when it shoots up again.