My Life Felt like TV…

DSC_0197It just feels so weird when all of a sudden, your life feels like a drama, a movie, a TV series. To the extent where you don’t even know what to feel or what to think any more, because you’ve never experienced such things, you only see them on TV to potentially attract audience. So people watch it and get amused, but when it happens to you, it hits you. You start to think of it like a chess game. What move should I make and what are the consequences of it? To put myself in everybody else’s shoes and think what’s the best decision for all of us. To fully think with the mind of that person. And to think that you have the power to change it all, to turn everything upside down, to experience the tough consequences, but it should all add up to form a bigger picture, in the long term, to something positive and meaningful. But thinking in the short term, makes it dominate your mind and lets nervousness run through you. Feeling vulnerable. Feeling hurt. But feeling powerful, because it’s in my hands. I try to take a mental break from it, but even when I sleep, I’m dreaming it. I don’t know what to do. I decide to wait a bit and see what fate brings, but look at every moment that passes with doubt, wondering if I should have done something.

This is how I felt a while ago, now things are cooler, and not as heated up. And what happened at the end was okay, but I know that it’s not the end. It’s like a roller coaster going up and down, but now I have a better, clearer picture of what to do when it shoots up again.

I Don’t Label My Emotions

sesameIsn’t it logical to label happiness as ‘good’ and sadness as ‘bad’? That is overly-simplified. Emotions are not black or white, there are many shades of grey in between. I appreciate my times of sadness, because how can I know the true taste of happiness if I haven’t experienced sadness? How would I know what it feels like to be secure, without experiencing vulnerability? How can I appreciate knowledge without experiencing ignorance?

As cheesy as it sounds, the day allows you to appreciate the night, the summer allows you to appreciate the winter, and the moon allows you to appreciate the sun – contrasts are made so you can appreciate. That’s why the positive and negative cells of a magnet attract, they all help to complement each other.

Therefore, I don’t like to label my emotions as good or bad, because they all complement each other and help to build up a bigger picture of a stronger version of me. They help me to further discover myself more and the more emotions I experience, the more knowledgeable I become.