I’ve been empathising and feeling people so much, to the point where I feel that I’m them and it shocks me to feel what they feel. It scares me. My heart feels like it doesn’t belong to me, because it’s filled with the emotions of others, until I wake myself up, and find me, to relocate myself back to me. It opened up my eyes more to what I really want in my life, and not to do what they did. I do it too much. I feel overwhelmed. I love feeling, because to me, they are my experiences. The more I feel, the more I experience. Therefore, I always try to understand others, and feel what they feel. I love it. But recently, I’ve been doing it too much, to the people who are closest to me, to the extent where I’m physically shaking and feel like I have no energy. I prayed, asking God to fill my heart with his love. I felt much better. I don’t know how much is too much. I don’t know if I should continue or stop myself. I feel like it’s a duty that I have. I empathise with everyone, the ‘good’ and ‘bad’, I guess it’s because I have a natural care for people, or that I’m opened to people. There’s no right way or wrong way to do anything. I believe sharing ideas, emotions, and thoughts is the way to being closer together. It’s common ground, rather than distancing ourselves from each other through the increasing barriers between us, when from inside, we all really are the same.
My thoughts change everyday, the way I think changes everyday. I’m crazy – I contradict myself, prove myself right or wrong. I absorb what people say, assess it, and see if it brings me different views. I may be stubborn, but not with the way I think. Thoughts flow in my head about anything and everything. I’m stubborn with what I want to get in life. If someone says “no, you can’t do that”, I have to find another way to do it. For example, in my mock/trial exams at school, I didn’t want to study for them (not promoting that in anyway), and as a result, I didn’t get the best grades, but I didn’t care because I knew what I was doing. My teacher told me that I need to attend booster classes (which I didn’t go to), because I got a D in a certain subject and if I didn’t, I would fail in my real exam because I’m not prepared to work and that I have a bad attitude. But I didn’t care, because I have my ways and I knew what I was doing. In my real exam, I got an A*, because when I want something, I’ll do anything to get it. At the end of the day, I didn’t care what the teacher said or thought about me – but I liked the fact that I proved her wrong in an unexpected way.
In contrast, I feel like it’s wrong to be stubborn with the way you think – how are you meant to empathise? Forgive? Agree? Disagree? Understand? Especially with all the misunderstandings in the world, whether it’s between two people or two countries, you need to open up your mind for a different view. For example, murder is wrong, but when you put yourself in the murderer’s shoes, you are able to understand (not justify) why people do such things, it’s all about exercising the way you think. The less we are stubborn with the way we think, the more we understand one another and the more we are filled with kindness that isn’t distorted by differences, prejudices, events, memories, etc.