I’ve been quiet…

I have been quiet for a while, not posting as much. Feeling as though I just want to let go of everything, let go of any commitments or anything that I have to do. Just be. And when I’m like that, people always wonder  “why isn’t she doing anything” “she’s just sitting there she could be doing something”. And I feel like it’s such an ignorant statement because there could be something much greater going on inside one’s self. And it’s amazing how us humans are institutionalised to ‘doing’, it’s a part of our socio-economic system, we have to do something be somewhere, with things expected from us, we’re always living with these barriers around us, which at the end takes away from our freedom. And I’m not a doing machine, I’m a feeling machine. I’m a human. And it’s amazing to just be in the moment and feel because I’m constantly evolving. It’s about accepting and working with yourself as you evolve, it’s about living, loving, and being in every moment, not necessarily caught up with ‘doing’.

I trust myself, I trust my heart, I trust my internal dialogues, my internal feelings, my internal worlds, connecting with them. And even though I may seem quiet, inactive, there’s something much greater going on, evolving inside me. I appreciate and I am blessed for the times where I’m active, inactive, in the light, in the dark, or somewhere in between that I don’t even know. Because actually they’re not the labels we give them of ‘light’ or ‘dark’, because they all help each other to form me.

You have all inside yourself, listen to your heart, body and mind because they’re all one, they’re all connected. When you don’t have external mediums communicating to you, you start to naturally communicate more with yourself, tuning in to yourself. When you let go of ‘doing’ of what you’re expected, of hearing, of following, of what you ‘have’ to do, you’ll find that going deeper into yourself, there’s clarity within your vision. You’ll get a better idea of what you really want, that is where you find inspiration within your self, in your inner universe because everything is really there. And once you’ve entered that place inside yourself, that is only 1% of what’s inside you, because inside you, there’s everything. And people often forget about that, and get on with their everyday lives without accessing their deeper self perhaps in a way they could do or to a degree that they could do, and once they’ve done that, I believe, that magical things start to happen you find what you want because you are more clear to yourself, you start to attract the right things for you, you see things you didn’t see before, you feel things you didn’t feel before, you’ll hear things you didn’t hear before. You find inspiration inside yourself.

Cute

My thoughts change everyday, the way I think changes everyday. I’m crazy – I contradict myself, prove myself right or wrong. I absorb what people say, assess it, and see if it brings me different views. I may be stubborn, but not with the way I think. Thoughts flow in my head about anything and everything. I’m stubborn with what I want to get in life. If someone says “no, you can’t do that”, I have to find another way to do it. For example, in my mock/trial exams at school, I didn’t want to study for them (not promoting that in anyway), and as a result, I didn’t get the best grades, but I didn’t care because I knew what I was doing. My teacher told me that I need to attend booster classes (which I didn’t go to), because I got a D in a certain subject and if I didn’t, I would fail in my real exam because I’m not prepared to work and that I have a bad attitude.  But I didn’t care, because I have my ways and I knew what I was doing. In my real exam, I got an A*, because when I want something, I’ll do anything to get it. At the end of the day, I didn’t care what the teacher said or thought about me – but I liked the fact that I proved her wrong in an unexpected way.

In contrast, I feel like it’s wrong to be stubborn with the way you think – how are you meant to empathise? Forgive? Agree? Disagree? Understand? Especially with all the misunderstandings in the world, whether it’s between two people or two countries, you need to open up your mind for a different view. For example, murder is wrong, but when you put yourself in the murderer’s shoes, you are able to understand (not justify) why people do such things, it’s all about exercising the way you think.  The less we are stubborn with the way we think, the more we understand one another and the more we are filled with kindness that isn’t distorted by differences, prejudices, events, memories, etc.