This post is a little randomly put together and I don’t know if it makes sense or not, but feelings/thoughts don’t have to make sense…
When the closest people to me hurt me or upset me, I sometimes tell myself, “why do people have to be like that?!”. It’s because you see them as your place of comfort in the world, and that often happens with my parents, since I know that I come from them and I trust them so much and when they hurt me, it can be extra painful. I end up picturing humankind to be the same, because if they are like that, then what would strangers be like? It’s just generalising humans. You can’t forget that you are your own place of comfort – because when there’s love inside you, that’s what you’ll see in humans, and the world around you. When there’s fear inside you, that’s what you’ll see in humans and the world around you.
People who are close to you can easily manipulate your emotions because you are so psychologically opened up to them by choice. Happiness is a choice at every moment, it’s self-controlled, and because you choose to be opened up to these people, they can so easily make you feel happy.
If a stranger told you “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life”, you’re most likely not to care, because you’re not close to that person, you don’t love that person, so you’re not receiving what they say because you’re not opened up to them, there’s a mental block. Whereas, if someone close to you said that, it will obviously have an impact on the way you feel, it it reaches your heart so easily.
It’s the same concept when you see a picture of your favourite animal looking happy, it can bring a smile to your face effortlessly and make you happy because you love that animal. As easy as just looking at a picture, you automatically feel happy.
When I open up to people because I love them, I experience all realms of emotions with them, positive and negative. When I experience that with them, it inevitably makes our bond stronger, it makes me discover emotions I didn’t know I could have because I’m so opened up to them. When these people hurt me, it almost shocks me because of that contrast between the good moments, that make up the greatest moments of my life, and the not-so-good moments. It’s like when you have something and it’s taken away from you, that’s worse than when you don’t have it at all. One day, that person can make you feel like you’re not grounded on Earth any more, instead of gravity carrying you, they are. Another day, they can make you cry so much, to the point where you can’t breathe.
Whatever they make me feel, I don’t label as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I love and enjoy our good moments, and dislike feeling hurt because of them, but that’s not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. As I posted before, I don’t label my emotions like that because they all help to complement each other, and I’m grateful for what I feel and experience because it opens up my mind and heart more.