While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life as light and empty as the number zero. We are no different from a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going – Shams Tabrizi
This quote makes me feel like we’re similar to the big bang – born or created from a point of singularity, and as we grow, we expand into a sea of universes, worlds, colours, and shades (our false egos), only to forget that point of nothingness/singularity of peace, quiet, and humbleness. Doesn’t that show how the universe is a manifestation of ourselves? Everything is so interconnected…
I think that the best indication of how much you love and care for yourself is the time where you don’t have the people who love you connected to you emotionally. When people provide you with love, it feeds your ego. It makes you feel secure, content, and it gets too comfortable. When they suddenly go, and stop feeding you with love, all there is to provide you with genuine love and care is yourself.
I learnt this because I’m naturally independent, but I still need love and care. But when someone who once provided me with everything I want, hurt me, I felt empty, as if a part of my heart was filled by that person, but I can’t fill it with my own love to myself. Suddenly, I just started not caring about things. My health declined, and self-content too. I even stopped blogging and talking to people (well, as much people), as I wanted alone time to self-reflect.
I do feel vulnerable when I write my deepest emotions on the internet, especially when a lot of readers know me in person but have no idea what I’m experiencing. But we need to let go of our egos, and just be transparent with our feelings, because we are all vulnerable. When we were born, we were vulnerable, but didn’t hide it. So, why are we hiding it now?
What happened to me wasn’t bad, it was a mini phase of self-growth. The fact that I point out these negative feelings I have towards myself now, means that I will avoid these feelings in the future. I’m being sensitive enough to distinguish and indicate my emotions, however major or minor, to become a better version of me.
It’s important to become sensitive enough to the workings of your body, mentally, emotionally, and physically, so you can clearly sense when your body is telling you a something (in my case, it’s an unwanted feeling, and my body was telling me to sort it out).
Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That is the hardest part and that is what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Don’t go with the flow. Be the flow.” – Shams Tabrizi
I wish the world didn’t have any labels. If there were no countries, we would just call our world ‘Earth’, we would just call all living things ‘creatures’, so we’re all equal. We wouldn’t place names we can’t pronounce on people with health issues, because they’re just fine. We would stop judging people based on appearance and start discovering each other. We would view the killing of anyone to be unjust, not based on where they live. But the world wouldn’t work without labels because humans like to give labels to everything, in order to feel more secure. Humans work on a basis of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘beautiful’ and ‘ugly’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, hence one of the first things you psychologically do when watching a movie is give these labels to the characters. But how are we as humans understanding each other if we all label things differently?
Labels may be a way to be more ‘civilised’ (another label), to put rules in society in order for us to live ‘correctly’ (not do ‘bad’ things). The government has the label of ‘power’ because without it, we’d be so barbaric. But guess what? We already are barbaric. I feel that ‘society’ is built upon image – people with black suits and glasses who look smart, it’s nothing. If we lived in a lost world with no labels, in my opinion, it would be a much better place, rather than to live in a civilised world that isn’t civilised in any way. A world where smartness is labelled upon the person with a PHD or someone who can use big, complicated words is superficial. A world where innovation means manufacturing new weapons that can kill more people with as little effort as possible is wrong. A world that does have money but chooses to spend it on being so technologically advanced rather than to feed its own people and then complain of an ‘economic breakdown’ is barbaric. A world where people are so ignorant of each other, they create barriers between each other due to race, religion, sex, gender, age, colour, whatever is not civilised.
But I was wrong, I used ‘world’ in every sentence above and it’s not the world, it’s individual people. In fact, it’s not the individual people but it’s their individual choices because we’re all born innocent. I sometimes seem ‘anti-human’, but I know the world is full of beautiful souls (sounds cheesy, but true) and I love them. I just want to see more unity, warmth, understanding, care, tolerance and above all, love because every one of us has the energy to do that. It’s those little things you do when you go out and help someone who’s lost, give up your seat for someone, give charity (not to ‘overcome world poverty’, but to be the cause of someone smiling), and to greet people with pretty smiles.
I feel so blessed as I honestly have everything I want. Sometimes it strikes an inner fear of losing what I have. I could have been located in war zones, unsafe, hostile places with hardly any human rights. Do we ever forget that we’re actually so blessed? Yet, I just want to be really humble and when I think that I’m so blessed and get these little butterflies from inside, I think “it’s too much for me” and I start to feel guilty as there is so much power in my hands.
Then, I get people who think I’m waaaay too lucky, a girl with a nice house, rich, beautiful, has cool, young looking parents and no siblings (always a plus). And I’m like wait… Half these things are not even true. They say “your life is so perfect, I wish I had a mum or dad like you” “I can’t believe you wear make-up, you make me feel so ugly because you’re already beautiful” “I want your life, I want your body”. All these comments make me feel so guilty and I’m constantly being labelled upon how I superficially look like. You should actually be me to really know what my life is like, but then I think, wait, maybe they’re right. My life really is perfect, and if anyone looks in it, they wouldn’t find a flaw. In fact, the only flaw in any life is the person, because the person is the one who chooses how to see their own life.
Everyone on earth gets something if they actually seek something. We all come to this life with a certain amount of gifts and blessings, whether it’s a piece of bread or a giant palace. Don’t look at what others have, not because you can’t properly judge their lives, but because you should be busy enough with yours. No matter how much you compare yourself to someone, nothing will change, but the time that passes away in which YOU could have changed something in your life. Time is not just money, time is energy, time is growing, and time is learning. It’s all about the actions you take, if you want money, Google ‘how to start my own business’ NOW, if you want to change the way your body looks, stop researching and start moving your body. If you want to become an inspiration, live genuinely and honestly and seek to improve yourself, not others. Because the truth is, everyone’s an inspiration, and I learn something from every single person I’ve met and always will.
I didn’t make this blog so I can be labelled as an ‘inspiration’, or to ‘change lives’, I made it to express my inner feelings as I grow. I am a normal person who isn’t perfect, who makes mistakes, and can be mean (sometimes). So in no way should me or my life be labelled as ‘perfect’. Yet, I am thankful for myself and everything I have.
I’m alright, but I feel empty, I feel like something’s missing. I had a tough time at school during exams, exam after exam, I’d go home, empty my mind and input new information in it. But after it’s all finished – I kind of miss it. I miss actually doing something or taking over a task, and going to school for the right reason. After it’s over, I actually feel cold as everyone who’s close to me is somehow far away. My bonding with people I love isn’t as strong as it usually is. I feel vulnerable but in the safest place on Earth. I watch the news and cry at innocent people suffering, who are so strong and experience the toughest of memories and I think “I could have been born there”. Why am I so lucky? I have everything yet I feel empty. A lot of things are kind of at the same time – ultimate decision making on what I’d like to study next year and I have no idea what I want to do in the future. Everyone’s telling me something different, “take English”, “maths is too hard”, and all I want to do is be like the good old days, where I just leave school, work, and rise up. But now, I have to have qualifications. But what? I have aims. I want to help people and make a positive impact on people’s lives, sounds so cliche, I know. But, I seriously, believe more than anything that I will do something highly successful. Not because I’m so self indulgent, but because I have a real, powerful drive to do so. My emotions drive me like a rocket, they enable me to succeed, be strong and ensures that nothing gets in my way. Persistence, but also stubbornness is the most powerful tool for success, the most successful people in history ‘failed’, yet their success came out of stubbornness and an inner passion to achieve. Since the World Cup is on, in my eyes, the difference between a great player and a normal player is one that can dribble the ball from one end of the pitch to the other and score a goal due to their aims being energetically aligned with their body and inner power that makes them unstoppable.
What, if anything, makes you so persistent, or stubborn that you’re so unstoppable?